Christopher's Blog

I hit my wife for the first time this morning. We were swimming in the ocean and her shoe came off so I dove to the bottom to get it for her. At the bottom there were a lot of fish swimming around and when I reached out to get her shoe a fish bit my hand so I smacked it. Immediately, I woke up and realized it was not a fish I hit but Terri Lynn. I had just whacked her right in the face, but good thing it was not very hard. Although she woke up, she did not realize what happened until I explained it to her. Then we had a good laugh and went back to sleep.

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service,"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied,"Because people are sleeping."
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A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand."Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
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A wife invited some people to dinner.At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter, "Would you like to say the blessing?," she said. "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said,"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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[I liked this one so I thought I'd post it]

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.

Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.

Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"

[I sure am glad I didn't have to fill this out]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.

1. NAME_________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___

2.HEIGHT__________________WEIGHT___________IQ______GPA_______

3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STATE_______________ZIP_______

6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN___________________________________

7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________

8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE?______________
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____________
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__

9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________________________________

10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?________________________________________________________

11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________________________

12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?________________________

13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?___________PRIEST?__________

14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________
C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________
D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________
E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________
(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)

15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)

I thought this was a creative way to answer an exam question.